Conflict

Corbin and I have had a lot of conflict lately. It's been bringing me down on my parenting. He is not making good decisions. I am not making good parenting responses.  I feel like I am stuck in a 4 1/2 year old rut.  I need to dig out some books again. We need to bring back our Family Meetings to give him some positive power. I need to take more deep breaths. I am sure there are a lot more needs or things that could be done. I am definitely loving working more this year but I also think this is one of the downsides of it. I am tired. He is tired. We are all tired. Not an excuse, just the truth.  I feel like I just need to purge some of these feelings... this is a purge post. It's not all bad, as I will tell at the end. Just need to know I am not alone...

He has been spitting lately. Ugh. It's driving me CRAZY! And guess who decides to copy him. He does it to be funny. He does it to be mean. He does it to me. He does it to Adam. He does it to Eliza. Help! How do I stop it? 

One minute he is loving on his sister, the next, he pokes her in the eye. Eliza's new phrase, "Corbin's being mean..." He is the bossy one but she doesn't always just take it and do what he says... equals conflict. Arg! The minute we step into the house after school/work/daycare it's non-stop. You cannot leave the two of them alone without fear of one of them killing the other... add to that a HUGE mountain of couch pillows each night and it could end in disaster. 

We have been having some real power struggles lately. I am engaging in them, which is probably what is making them worse. It's amazing how easily I can find myself in one before I know it. And then I feel bad. He feels bad. We both feel bad. He seems to get over it fast than me. 

I know part of it is just him growing up, trying to figure out his place in this world. Eliza is becoming more interactive, more verbal, more imaginative, more independent. Thus taking some of the attention away from him. He loves it on one hand because he now has a play mate but he also has to share us more now too. Some of it's amazing. Tonight at dinner, we were having the best time just watching them. Eliza is having these strings of conversations about pretend things. Her toddler hood is going away. Corbin has so much spirit and determination. He tries to rationalize everything. He has a reason for everything. Literally everything. Sometimes its exhausting. Sometimes it's amazing! 

And then there are nights like tonight...start off bad and then end up better... We had a HUGE battle last night (every night) with him getting his PJ's on for bed. He wastes time. We loose book time. Last night it took him forever to get his clothes off, go pee, get his diaper on, PJ's on, etc. So when he chose his 2 books for bed and one was really short, he got really mad. He wanted 3 books since one was so short... I said, "NO".  He wasted time getting ready. Then he poked Eliza in the eye for no reason. We had to talk about that for a while. Basically, we did not have time for another book because he had wasted time. Screaming. Kicking. Whining. Pleading. Yelling. Crying. Everything. Nope, my answer was still no. I said, "tomorrow, let's work on getting ready faster and then if we have time for a 3rd book, we can read it." He calmed down enough for me to say "I love you" and to tuck him in... and then I left to work out. I know Adam had to go up again... 

So tonight we talked about not wasting time. Getting 3 books. Getting ready in a reasonable speed. Nope. SLOW. Even with help. Even with encouragement. I gave a warning. I went to help Eliza. I told him he had lost that 3rd book again. We could still read 2 but not 3. He lost it again. This time he slammed his door and said he was never coming out of his room. He yelled through the door. I am never coming out. Don't come in. I will put my self to sleep. I don't need your help. And on and on....Wow, this was a new tactic. So I said quietly through the door that his tooth brush was waiting for him  and that when he was ready, I would love it if he would join me and Eliza for some stories in her room. He said. "NO. I am never coming out. Not until my birthday. Not ever. I won't come out till my birthday. Then I will have my birthday and you will bring my presents to my room but I won't come out till then (his birthday is in June)."  So Eliza and I started reading.  I heard him come out. Go and brush is teeth. Then quietly he came over to us. Just wanted to see what we were reading. I told him he was welcome to read with us. He started to walk away... then he turned back and said. "Ok, I will read this one story with you. Then I am going back in. I don't want you to tuck me in. I will do it by myself. I am never coming out of my room." So we read the story. Then he said he would go back to his room, until he saw what we were reading next. "Ok, I will read this one too. But then I am going in my room, will tuck myself in. And never come out." 

I told him, "I will miss you if you never come out. What will you do for food? What will you do if you get hungry?" 

He replied after thinking for a bit. "I will stand at the top of the stairs and yell for food. Then you will bring it to me and I will eat it in my room." 

Hmm...Ok. "Well, what about school, won't you miss seeing your friends? Or going to your friends house? Or being outside, riding your bike?" 

"You can arrange play dates my friends can come here and play in my room."

"What about going to your friends houses? Like Brody, Alden or Lux's?"

"I will go to their houses only. Then come back to my room. They are my best friends, so I will do that. And I won't go back to Pre-K, not until kindergarten and after my birthday".

"Wow, I would really miss you that whole time. It might get boring."

"Nope, I will be fine. I will tuck myself in. Let's read more". 

Well... ok then... so we finished the next book. 

He looked at me, said, "I am going to go and tuck myself in. And read myself a book. But could you stop by on your way down?..."

"Yes, of course."

After putting Eliza down, I went into his room. He had gotten into bed, turned on his night light, and was reading quietly. He seemed very proud of himself. We had a quick snuggle, I said I was sorry we had been fighting so much and that I really would miss him if he stayed in his room till his birthday. I said I love you and good night. He told me he loved me too. 

I hope he comes out tomorrow :-)